Brusha Brusha Brusha

Today is my birthday. I’m actually very excited about that. I love birthdays. Thank you to all of my amazing friends who have made this birthday better than all the rest.

Of course, because it is my birthday, I have been reflecting on the past 25 years. Somewhere in the childhood pets (Sassy, the Albino Dwarf Hamster being the scariest), the first kisses and the epic trips to the mall in South Norwalk during lunch breaks, I graduated high school, cycled the Pyrenees, finished college and established a cool life in San Francisco. All in all, a pretty great quarter century.

But one event puts a black mark on my otherwise fabulous 25 years: The 4th grade Invention Convention.

That really grinds my gears.

Think a minute: what does the phrase “Invention Convention” mean to you?

To me, it means a place where you present new ideas. Where you show the world (or at least the audience of Redding Elementary School) your ability to innovate. Hell, dare I say, it is a place where you invent something. Or at least offer a new twist on something that has already been invented.

As a fourth grader, I invented a changeable toothbrush. Ok, looking back, I didn’t “invent” it per say. But keep in mind, this was in 1994, when changeable toothbrushes, like Tonya Harding fans, were hard to find. I spent an entire weekend with my engineer father whittling several toothbrushes with a razor blade to create a base and a few different heads.

It was brilliant. Innovative. An answer to the age-old question, “what do I do if my handle is new and supple but my head is grungy and old?”

So imagine my fury and shock when another girl…we’ll call her Jessica… won — I repeat…won — the entire convention with:

A tie protector.

A tie protector that had already been invented and was quite popular at the time.

A tie protector that was a Ziploc bag cut into a rectangle and … wait for it … scotch taped to the tie. Which would ruin the tie anyway, thereby negating the purpose of a tie protector.

Her POS tie “protector” won the blue ribbon. My blood, sweat and tears didn’t even get an honorable mention.

I don’t hold many grudges, but this one I will take with me for the next 25 years and beyond.

Jessica, you’ve been Meccanized. And your tie protector sucked.

Written by lindsay in: Uncategorized |
  • ilena

    but where is jessica now, hmm?

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