I Didn’t Think People Could Be Lazier

It’s a 2-post day. That’s like a 3-alarm fire, only less hot. Or a 5-dog night…only less…fuzzy.

I was just informed that TiVo has added Domino’s Pizza delivery to its list of offerings.

Where do I even begin?

I will start with this. Part of me got really excited when I read this. You know which part? The obese, lazy part (which I keep well hidden using an elaborate system of girdles and a rigorous social schedule).

And I will continue with this. Domino’s? Really? Not only is it the worst pizza in existence (I feel like one Evan Solomon is going to give me hell for making that point), but also the company is run by that whack-job Tom Monaghan. Perhaps you remember him from his antics a few years ago to fulfill his lifelong dream to create a town compromised entirely of orthodox Catholics — you know, the kind of wholesome, salt of the earth place where pharmacies ban contraception and little boys are encouraged to grow up and join the priesthood.

So I feel the need to Meccanize two things here:
1) The enormous (literally and figuratively) part of the population that is excited about this announcement, for whom picking up the telephone is too much effort.
2) TiVo, for encouraging this laziness and for inflicting the world with a double-lame: bad pizza and indirectly supporting radical religious ideals.

Almost as disgusted right now as I was last night watching Bear Grylls rip apart a sea cucumber with his teeth… or this morning when I found out his son’s name is Marmaduke.

Written by lindsay in: Opinion | Tags: ,
  • Maria

    Marmaduke? Really? I’ve delivered babies whose doting parents have bestowed upon them such dubious monikers as Wolfgang and Hollywoodstar, but Marmaduke wins the contest of “Most Likely to Get Your Ass Kicked on the Playground.”
    Tom Monaghan was also the $$$ behind Prop 4, along with the owner of Smoking Loon, Pepperwood and Barefoot wineries. Yet another reason to not eat the crappiest pizza ever, but to not swallow it with cheap wine!

  • Lindsay

    Yeah, man, not only does Mr. Salty Orange Eggs somehow have a woman in his life who stuck around long enough to procreate with him, but he also somehow publicly named his kid Maramduke without having child protective services called on him. Bear, what were you thinking?!

    Ugh, really?! Well, add them to the list of companies I dislike/boycott (which also includes Curves for their vaguely radical anti-abortion activism).

    Also, I love that you can use the phrase “I’ve delivered babies whose…” and have it be true:)

  • Laura

    this post brings back memories of our idealistic college days when we first heard about the Ave Maria Project & decided to boycott Dominos…

  • Cliff

    I clicked on the link about Monaghan out of curiousity and of course Tucker Carlson was there defending him. I’d say write a post about him but that would be too easy.

    Of course I would have said the same thing about Michael Bay.

  • Deva Hazarika

    Re: point 1 – So you hate efficiency and progress?

  • Lindsay

    I hate laziness and a lack of motivation.

    While this may represent technological progress, I actually think of it as a major setback for humanity. Unfortunately, those things seem more often than not to go hand in hand.

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