May
24
2010

It’s like showing up to your birthday party expecting cake…

…but getting a nut-punch instead.

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this, but Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have left me no choice. Do I even need to say it?

I think the title of this post sums it all up. 5 years (I started a year late)…countless hours on the message boards…a failed first date (anyone who implies during dessert that I am immature for being so into a TV show is not long in my life…at least get to know all the other ways I am immature before blaming Lost)…FOR WHAT?!

FOR A FINALE THAT ESSENTIALLY FELT LIKE IT WAS MEANT FOR A DIFFERENT SHOW.

Here is a step-by-step guide for Meccanization:

1) Cast Matthew Fox (I’m 100% a Jack girl, but being the whiniest person on an earlier show that included Lacey Chabert, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Scott Wolf is a feat worthy of this blog).

2) Create a show that hooks me so much initially that I watch all 29 episodes of the first season straight through, pausing only to get tissues to wipe away my tears when Boone bit it.

3) Develop an entire mythology that fascinates me enough to occupy at least 25% of my mindshare every day.  EVERY DAY. I only regret that neither job I occupied during the last 4 years had a billable category for mentally masturbating about Lost.

4) Vomit all over that intricately created mythology, ignore it entirely and instead cap the series with a 2 acheter du viagra au maroc.5 hour string of cheesy one-liners, weird facial ticks and an awesome but entirely misplaced jump-punch by Jack Shephard.

To me, Lost was like that boyfriend you should have dumped years ago but you stuck with him because you had hopes that the glimmer of light (that’s inside every man…see what I did there?) you saw in the first few months would come back. Instead, you came home from a hard day at work and found him fat, unshaven and jobless, eating your food, watching your TV, spending your money and in bed with your best friend.

I’ll take Desmond’s advice and just let go, but before I do:

Lost…Meccanized.

Written by lindsay in: Opinion | Tags: ,
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