Leaf Me Alone

As a kid, I loved to jump in leaf piles.

Ok, let’s be honest. As an adult, I love to jump in leaf piles. And because of my stature and general adorableness, I can…whenever I want…and it doesn’t seem weird. If people see a 6’2” guy jumping in a leaf pile by himself, they might think he was crazy…or they might look around and try to spot his white, windowless child molester van that clearly must be nearby. If people see me jumping in a leaf pile by myself, the worst people think is “man, that 8 year old has big boobs.”

Bottom line – I’m always up for a good leaf pile romp. But this morning, the leaf piles of the world united and took their revenge.

There were three men blowing leaves outside of the gym around 9 am. Two of them had simple hand-held leaf blowers but one had, like, the mother of all leaf blowers. It looked like a Zamboni with a giant fan on the back of it – no leaf was safe from that thing, let me tell you. Clearly they had been working for a while, because there were already several piles of leaves right by the sidewalk where I was walking. Perhaps that should have been my first clue to walk on the other side of the street, but I was distracted by Toto blessing the rains on Pandora and wasn’t paying much attention.

I can’t really tell you exactly what happened next (it all happened so fast!), but this is what I remember: I saw the Zamboni-esque machine hurtling towards me at the speed of light and then turn suddenly, about 4 feet away from me, heard a loud “WHUMP” and then everything went dark…

…because I was fucking COVERED in leaves. Millions of tiny pieces of leaves. Wet. Dry. Everywhere. In my face, in my mouth, on my clothes, in my raccoon wounds. As the dust settled, I heard the laughter of a few law school students on the other side of the street (assholes). But no one was laughing louder than the three leaf blowers, all of whom were doubled over in hysterics. To steal an expression I recently learned from a very charming young man “Graaaaaaahhhhhhttttt.”

I didn’t really know what to do, so I stuck out my arms and took a little bow, pieces of woodland glory falling from every inch of my being achat viagra sur le net. I then gathered what was left of my pride, went inside and composed this post on my phone.

Leaves. Leaf blowers. Law students. All Meccanized.

Written by lindsay in: Uncategorized |

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