A lawyer, James O. Ruane, defending a man charged with a DUI is arguing that the man’s breathalyzer results be suppressed. Why?

Well, obviously because breathalyzers are “KKK in a box.” Good analogy, sir.

Apparently, the lawyer is arguing (and has an actual doctor to support this) that the breathalyzer discriminates against blacks because the lung capacity of a black man is 3 percent smaller than a white man. The conclusion here is that the diminished lung capacity will result in a breathalyzer result that inherently varies from the sobriety standard set by the device.

Remind me to use this argument if I ever get pulled over for a DUI. “I’m short, Ocifer, so, you see, my lungs are too small to registrate a correct result on the breath thing.”

Some part of me mourns the life that could have been — if I had gone to law school, I, too, could be wasting our legal system’s resources to argue cases just like this one.

James O. Ruane, you are Meccanized.