1) This is what my friends are reading
2) …really?

… and so I thought it was important to post.

A few things stand out:

“Long story short: a man pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce led cops on a low speed chase in Australia.” I’m not really sure this is the kind of thing you should ever make a short story, but fortunately, this is remedied.

“A man caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase. Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar.” Nothing to add here — I think this speaks for itself.

What was in the car, you might ask?

“A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.” I…I…

I am rarely speechless, but here I just don’t think any comment I make would add value to an already valuable story, so I simply state:

Keith Roy Weatherley, you are Meccanized … and gross.